i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
