I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
