that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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