My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
