Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
