I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
