***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
