I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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