Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
