i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
