Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
