You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
