That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
