we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
