Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I need to stop coming to work sober
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
