The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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