do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
