Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize