Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
