Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
