We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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