she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
