I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
