he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
