At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
