she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
