why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
