Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
