Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
