It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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