I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
