I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
