okay pat passed out under dana's car
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
