Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
