If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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