if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
