Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
