I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
