I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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