Umm I'm too high to move.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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