Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
