Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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