At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
