Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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