Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
