Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
