I'm eating all of the evidence.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
