it hurts more in the daytime
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
