I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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