How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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