I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
