I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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