Where did you get a picture of my penis
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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