He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
