um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
