Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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