I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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