And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
