After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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