do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
