You smell like stripper and shame
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
