Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
