I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
