i don't like sucking hair
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just pynch a tree in the face
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
