Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize