another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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