Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize