what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
