Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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