I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
