Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
