im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
