why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
