I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
