Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
