Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
