HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why do cheetos always look like penises
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
