Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
