Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
