You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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