there's paper in my vomit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
