I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
