I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
