I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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