My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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