Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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