Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
